Sunday, September 13, 2009

Gearing Up for the Big One

Since Thriller Guy wrote the entry three down from this one expressing his annoyance at Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol being embargoed, many interested readers have written in asking questions on the order of, “Just how does a nationally recognized book reviewer go about readying him or herself to tackle one of the Big Reads?”

Many, many people.



So lets just dive in and tackle a few of these questions.

First of all, on Saturday TG put on a nice shirt and drove to his closest bookstore. It may astonish readers of this blog to learn that TG does not live in Manhattan or in L.A., or any of the storied halls of publishing, but in a small subdivision outside of Washington, DC. So the nearest bookstore, a Borders, is 25 minutes away.

TG: (To manager) Doing anything special for the Dan Brown release on Tuesday?

Manager: Special?

TG: Like staying open till midnight so people can buy it at 12:01 AM Tuesday morning.

Manager: (Giving assistant a puzzled look.) Did anyone call about this? (Assistant shrugs and shakes his head.)

Manager: No, we're not going to stay open.

TG: Which means I'll have to stand in line with everyone else Tuesday morning when you open up?

(Manager and assistant exchange amused looks.)

Assistant: Hey man, what do you think this is, Harry Potter? (They both laugh.)

TG: (Chastened, turning to leave, then deciding to at least give it a shot. After all, it's not Harry Freakin' Potter.) I don't suppose you could sell me a copy right now?

(Both of them look at TG like he's just done something really disgusting on the bookstore floor.)

Assistant: No, man, those boxes are sealed. (Shakes head, begins to walk away.)

TG: Can I give you my number if you change your minds? (They stop, not happy about it, but take the proffered slip of paper, careful to not touch TG's repellent skin.)

A trip to the nearby Barnes and Noble nets pretty much the same results. So it's home again to change out of the nice shirt, for all the good it did. Then the phone rings. Guess what? Borders is going to stay open till midnight on Monday.

Sometimes the feeling of power is so awesome TG can almost see rays of light beaming out from his fingertips.

(You're welcome, Dan Brown.)

Tomorrow: Girding his Loins: Snax, Naps and Settling In.

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