TG is Angry, Very Angry.

TG has been stomping around the house for the last several weeks in a barely contained rage.  Two weeks ago, while on vacation in NC, TG’s house was burgled. The same thing happened almost exactly a year ago. TG blogged about this last crime here, and here. This time the household really got slammed. The thieves came into the fenced-in backyard, found a ladder TG stupidly stored outdoors, climbed up on a low porch roof and were able to break a lock on a window and roam around the house stuffing what they wanted into black trash bags. The neighbors saw an unusual car (smallish square gold-colored SUV parked in the driveway, but they though this was the cat sitter) that remained there for an hour and a half or so. You can see they had plenty of time to take what they wanted.

They tore through all the drawers of clothing, throwing stuff onto the floor. They ransacked TG’s wife’s jewelry. They got several computers, three cameras, a game system and assorted fancy bags to carry the loot in, and once again, just like last year, they got an antique stoneware jar with all of TG’s money that he intended to take to the beach for his writer’s retreat.

            

After they left with the swag, they attempted to steal TG’s car, succeeding only in breaking an old key off in the lock, jimmying the door and screwing up the ignition lock. One has to wonder why the car alarm didn’t go off and if, and TG suspects this is the case, the alarm did go off, why didn't anyone pay any attention?

            

The chief and only clue was that TG found his house key on an old Verizon lanyard obviously dropped by the thieves onto the roof when they were going down the ladder. This, and other indications, makes TG think that this is the same guy who robbed him last year, having made a copy of the key that the neighbors had and kept it for a year.

The police response has been pathetic. When called, four officers roared up in separate cars, and, guns drawn, stormed through the house and declared the theft an “inside job” because there were no signs of forced entry. Unfortunately they missed the fact that the upstairs window was wide open, the screen cut out and the broken lock was lying on the floor. Morons. The detective, who was the same guy who investigated last year, took the details over the phone and has yet to show up or even return TG's calls. The second cop who came when TG insisted that they take fingerprints informed us that all thieves wore gloves these days and it would be a waste of time, though he grudgingly did a bit of fingerprinting. Enough to screw up the rugs. He refused to do the outside windowsill because he wasn’t going to climb a ladder.

Those of you who are suggesting that we should put in an alarm system, we already did that after last year's incursion. It secured the first floor, and they got around it by going in a second floor window. We now have motion detectors on the second floor.

So, essentially, TG’s house has become an ATM for this kid and his pals. Whenever they feel the need for some spare cash they can roll up when we’re not at home, smash in the sliding glass doors, (that’s what they did to the neighbors) knowing that they have an easy ten to fifteen minutes from the time the alarm goes off and the cops show up. We now know that the neighbors don’t hear alarms or at least don’t respond when they do.

Mrs. TG has now relented on the issue of keeping firearms in the house. Of course they do no good if no one is here to shoot the burglars when they come in. But TG is going to rearm himself anyway. All the heavy-duty weapons that are in storage are a bit too destructive under the circumstances; the Rocket Propelled Grenades brought back from Afghanistan are going to do serious damage to the infrastructure if TG fires one of those babies off. TG is looking into something a bity smaller and more portable.

So all the work involving security changes and insurance details is pretty much done, which leaves touring the area pawnshops and trying to convince the Prince Georgia’s County, Maryland, police that they should be doing their jobs. Which means that TG can get back to blogging about the state of Thrillers, novel-writing and book publishing in general. Look for updates on this crime. TG let it slide the last time it happened. Not this time. 

Blurbs, Again

After Thriller Guy put up his rant about blurbs and how writers shouldn’t exaggerate the worth of books they’re blurbing, TG received a comment (which he intended to put up, but it got lost) from a reasonable gentleman who simply suggested that people should only give blurbs to books they think are really good. It’s refreshing to see that there are people like this still around, people who believe actual morality and truth telling should be our guides in life. Oh, if it were only so simple.

            To tell the truth, TG was telling the truth in that first blurb blog. He is annoyed when he reads rave reviews on books that are less than praiseworthy. But TG knows that it has been ever thus, and will ever be, for a variety of perfectly good reasons. The first and foremost is friendship. TG has written many times on what an insular, lonely road writing can be. So when writers go to conferences and award ceremonies or anywhere other writers are gathered, they tend to make friends easily. It is truly an us-against-the-world vibe at these get-togethers. So what is a writer to do when he goes home after a conference and finds a request from his newest best friend asking for a blurb for the newest best friend’s book? Why, he goes ahead and gives a great blurb, of course.

            So TG already knew the answer to the question he asked in the earlier blog, why do they do it. Mostly, TG was trying to stir up a little trouble, just to see what would happen. Turns out, not much.

            So here’s TGs suggestion: just don’t read the blurbs. They’re nonsense, for the most part, and it will make you annoyed with the blurber if you don’t agree. Got it? Don’t read blurbs, they’re worthless as far as being an indication of a book’s worth. They are only indications of who a writer’s friends are.

            

What Thriller Guy is Reading: Pure Gold

Thriller Guy has commented on several occasions about how he likes reading pieces by writers on how they go about their craft. Of course, much of what a lot of writers say is crap, but you’ve got TG here to help you separate the chaff from the wheat. In a recent issue of Publishers Weekly, at least on their web page, they asked mystery writer Chelsea Cain for some of her writing tips. Cain is the author of a series featuring Det. Archie Sheridan and serial killer Gretchen Lowell. TG has never been assigned any of her books to review, so he can't say that they meet his high standards, but he does like what she has to say about writing. Here are her tips, in shortened form. You can read what she has to say by clicking on the above hyperlink. The first three of these are pretty much obvious, but the last one was new to TG. You can show your appreciation to Chelsea Cain by buying one of her books.

1. Cain: You won’t make a living writing until you learn to write when you don’t want to. A lot of writers wait for the muse to seize them. These writers don’t get much done. Here’s a secret: writing is not always fun. If it is, you’re doing it wrong. 

TG has harped on this over and over. If you are a writer you write every day, if humanly possible. And it's not fun, it's work. You may enjoy it on some levels, but if you tell TG it's fun, he knows that your work is crap.

2. Cain: You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Don’t be afraid of clichés. Write the book you want to write. If you want to write about an alcoholic cop with an ex-wife and an insubordination problem, do it.

TG will go along with this one up to a point. He finds that the trick here is putting your own spin on a cliched genre format. And here's a footnote, you'd better read deeply in whatever genre you want to work in, otherwise you won't know what's a cliché and what isn't.

3. Cain: Always remember that you are the boss. Don’t let your characters tell you what to do.  They can be pushy. Some writers say that they create characters and then just sort of follow them around through the narrative. I think that these writers are out of their minds. 

TG thinks writers who say that are full of the aforementioned crap. Make up the damn character and make it do what you want it to do. Just because you use some physical reference to a guy you know doesn't mean that the character has to act and talk like the guy that you know or do what he would do.

5. Cain: Details are not created equally. Writing teachers go on and on about the importance of using details to flesh out a scene. But not all details are created equally. When you write thrillers like I do, and suddenly your main character is running for his life from a serial killer who is chasing him through the woods, slowing down the action with a bunch of descriptions seems counterintuitive. Why would the main character be noticing the pine needles on the ground when he has a killer on his heels? But I’ll tell you a secret, the more detail that I unpack about that woods, the night air, the sky, the sounds of his footsteps, the more tense that scene becomes. I read a study recently. Some professor wanted to look into the experience that time slows in life or death situations and he tied some graduate students to Bungee cords and pushed them off a ledge, and studied the results. His conclusion? In normal circumstances our brain culls details. In tense situations our mind stops culling – it notices everything – because you don’t know what detail is going to save your life. This is what creates the experience of time slowing—lots of details. The next time you’re writing a tension filled scene – maybe there’s a serial killer in it, maybe your character is asking someone out to prom  – remember to stop culling. Notice everything. The acne on her forehead. The buttons on her shirt. It all becomes important. It’s the ordinary moments that fly by. With those, the brain does cull details, so the details that your character does notice become all the more important and revealing. An object accrues more significance every time it’s mentioned. Notice the vase on the table once in a scene, and it’s a detail in the room. Notice the vase on the table three times and it means something to your character. It becomes a prop you can use. It starts to tell a story.  

This one is pure gold. TG likes to think he does this intuitively, but now that he has seen this tip and the explanation he will be paying very close attention the next time he's writing an action scene.TG is going to order a Chelsea Cain novel in payment. I would suggest that every one of you writers and would-be writers buy one of her books in thanks for the tip.

Check her out, buy her book, you owe her.

Gore Vidal and an Unrelated Sex Story

Most of the quotes you’re going to read from Gore Vidal are snarky comments about politics. Thriller Guy had to search to find one that was about writing.

"How marvelous books are, crossing worlds and centuries, defeating ignorance and, finally, cruel time itself."

Thriller Guy now adds Vidal to the list of recently dead writers. Unfortunately, TG has little good to say about the man. He was an OK fiction writer, though TG didn’t read all that much of his work, mostly the American history fiction, 1876, Burr and Lincoln. As all the world knows, TG’s alter ego Allen Appel has his own Lincoln books, first, the time travel adventure, Book Five of the esteemed Pastmaster series, In Time of War, soon to be available in eBook format, (place your advance orders now) and the already-in-place eBook, Abraham Lincoln: Detective. The point here being that Appel and TG know a hell of a lot about Lincoln and Vidal’s book had some outright mistakes and included a lot of material that is now considered not historically accurate. And TG must add, the style and writing of the book was “popular” to the point of sounding both unoriginal and pedestrian. So, rather than go on about the matter, TG will just say that perhaps the man’s essays were his strongest point. TG will also refrain from pointing out (you know how TG hates to speak ill of the dead) that over the years Vidal had turned into something of a conspiracy crank and his pronouncements on American politics became more and more ridiculous.

TG will just sum up this way: Gore Vidal was no Harry Crews.

But you are saying, “How about the sex story, TG? You promised us a sex story about a famous publishing professional.” OK, Here you go. I originally told this story in a blog entry several months ago, but I decided, probably wisely, that the time was not right to tell it so I never put it up. Is it true? I have no reason to think it’s not.

Several months ago TG noted the passing of the famous Grove Press publisher, Barney Rosset. If you don't know who Rosset is, check him out here. He was a giant in the industry for many reasons, a giant and hero in our popular and literary culture. An editor of mine once worked with Rosset at Grove Press. Every year the staff had a tough time coming up with a birthday present for Barney, he had been everywhere, done everything, and had everything he seemed to want. So one year, here’s what they came up with.

After work on his birthday the staff, or some of the staff, told Barney they were going to take him to his birthday present. This was in New York City. They left the building where they worked and went to a street in the West Village, stopped in front of a brownstone and handed the birthday boy a key. They told him to go into the house and upstairs to the master bedroom. He had the place for 24 hours and he could do anything, anything at all to what he found in the bedroom. They left him there, standing outside on the sidewalk.

Inside, in the bedroom, was an incredibly beautiful African American woman, naked, chained to a huge wheel that was affixed to the wall.

Happy Birthday, Barney.

           

Blurbs... Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Blurb. What a stupid word. Recently, Thriller Guy was forced to think about blurbs, which he never reads before reviewing a book. But in this instance a couple of them struck his eye after finishing a book he really disliked. TG hates reviewing bad books, but it comes with the territory. So after reading the bad book, (TG can’t say the name, contractually he can’t discuss books in this blog that he reviews) he actually read the blurbs to see what others had to say. Among those who raved about this book were Lee Child and Joe Finder. Reading these laudatory words by Child and Finder left TG with a sick feeling. (You never knew TG was so delicate, did you?)  Why did these fellows give what was a patently a bad book great blurbs? Of course one can never know, and as TG is forever telling his wife, one never knows what goes on behind closed doors, but TG thinks the answer is… because Child and Finder are known as some of the nicest guys in the publishing business.

TG doesn’t know Child beyond what he reads in the trades, (Lee Child is One of the Nicest Guys in Publishing!) and he has given a few Reacher novels excellent reviews, (because the Reacher books are excellent books) but he has reviewed Finder and interviewed him and found him maybe the second nicest guy in the business. (Maybe the first, TG will let the two of them fight that one out.) The thing is, neither of them should have given this book a rave. TG wonders if they even read it. And if so, how can they square the rave with what was the obvious crappy quality? These are smart guys, guys know what’s good and what’s shit.

Yes, yes, TG understands that blurbs are just part of the business and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Stephen King (a man who blurbs to the point that no one takes him seriously, blurbwise, any more) said recently that Robert Parker (now conveniently dead) said, “Never blurb a book you’ve read, and never read a book you’ve blurbed.” This is probably good advice for writers, but little help to book buyers who are standing in a bookstore holding a book, reading the blurbs from their favorite writers and deciding whether or not to buy.

In this case, the case of the crappy book, the woman writer was good-looking, sort of famous and undoubtedly a sterling individual who everyone in the industry thinks is a really great person, but, seriously, dudes, that’s no reason to give her a rave blurb. Trust me, the book was embarrassing to read.

TG has blurbed some books, but he only did so after reading them and liking them. Some of TG’s books have been blurbed, but only by running cut lines from good reviews. And TG knows the business, oh how he knows the business, knows the insular elements, the us-against-them attitude that makes authors circle the wagons and band together to fight for the written word, but really, guys, this is no excuse.

I guess this entry will piss these guys off. Not that they read the Thriller Guy. And pissing them off means the next time TG publishes a book he’d better not ask them for a blurb. You know what? To hell with it. The book sucked. And they carved away some of their honesty, sincerity, intelligence and good will when they said it was great.

Just bein’ honest, guys. Keepin’ it real.

Blurb. What a stupid word.

The Coolest Guy Around

Thriller Guy first became acquainted with Robert Masello’s work when he was assigned the author’s sixth book. Blood and Ice to review.  TG loved the book and gave it a starred review. Briefly, it’s the story of a writer who goes to the Antarctic to write an article about a research station and while there stumbles on an incredible discovery, the bodies of a man and a woman chained together and frozen deep within the ice. The POV switches back and forth between the present and the 1850s where we learn about the man and woman, Lt. Sinclair Copley of the 17^th Lancers and Eleanor Ames, a nurse. Of course the bodies slowly thaw, and of course they come back to life. Who could wish for it to be any other way? From then on, it’s all action and thrills with echoes of The Thing and the ending of Frankenstein. TG recommends this book to all readers of supernatural thrillers.

TG interviewed Masello, and found him funny, smart and extremely knowledgeable about the craft and work of writing, which resulted in several blog entries centering around Masello’s excellent book, Robert’s Rules of Writing.

Out in paperback now is Masello’s The Medusa Amulet, an ancient artifact, race-against-time thriller that incorporates supernatural elements and high-level, Da Vinci Code puzzles, with fascinating historical mysteries and plenty of action.

Here’s the deal: TG values intelligence above all in a thriller, and the one thread that runs through all of Masello’s work is how smart he is. He’s an excellent writer, plotter, characterizer and researcher, but he puts it all together in clever unexpected ways that make other thriller writers seem dull and uninspired. TG believes if the stars had been aligned only slightly differently, Masello would have occupied Dan Brown’s Da Vinci space and Dan Brown would have been just another thriller writer lost in the scrum.

Medusa is grounded in the work of Renaissance artist Benvenuto Cellini. Cellini is an absolutely fascinating historical figure. TG read his autobiography many years ago and recommends it highly to anyone who has an interest in Italian or any other art history. Cellini was, besides being a brilliant artist, a total rogue. He tells of killing a number of his enemies with his dagger and was officially accused or charged at least three times of the crime of sodomy with men, and on one occasion with a woman. Cellini fashions an amulet that has the power to bestow eternal life. In the present, art historian David Franco must find the amulet to save his sister who is dying of cancer. The search races around the world and includes a wide cast of historical characters, one of who is the last person in history the civilized world would want to have eternal life.

If you like this genre, let me know and the first person who does so will receive a signed copy of the book. If I can convince Masello to send one on. But, he’s a softy, so I think this is a done deal.